That's a Wrap

 AW2P 23 in Seattle has come and gone and I think I have finally recovered. What a whirlwind experience. I’m so grateful to Santa Fe Writers Project for allowing me that experience.

My job while working the book fair floor was mostly to take pictures for social media and to walk the floor handing out SFWP swag. Not to brag, but I received feedback multiple times that we had the best swag there with branded lens cleaners. I made it a point to look for all of the vendors that had glasses, and those who looked like they really needed some traffic to their table. I am gregariously extroverted and know no strangers when put in situations like this. There were HUNDREDS of vendors at the book fair. I gallivanted across the entire floor from front to back, twice. It took about three hours to traverse the sea of vendors. I was thrilled to see some of my favorite companies represented, such as Bookshop.org, Libro.fm, and BloomsburyUK. 

I had many memorable experiences, including getting invited to queer karaoke, getting coffee with one of my BPU professors, taking shots of whiskey with Whiskey Tit Books, and watching Monica Prince sell out of her upcoming choreopoem. My favorite experience was finally getting to meet the SFWP authors in person. 

Over the last several months, I have been working intensively with a small set of books to promote on social media to drive sales at AWP23. Most of the authors present sold completely out of their books at the conference. I got to meet Monica Prince, Lilly Dancyger, Elizabeth Gonzalez James, Stephen G Eoannou, Joseph Holt, and Ted O’Connell. It was surreal to actually meet in person and ask for their autographs. 

Since I was surrounded by such expertise, I decided to ask each author if they had some wisdom to share with an aspiring author. 

“Patience. Just let it happen. Don't force it. Wait. it may take you seven years for that novel. That’s how it is.” - Ted O’Connell

“Read widely. Read well-known works and unknown works to find what intrigues you as a reader.” - Joseph Holt

“Read voraciously and write as much as you possibly can.” - Elizabeth Gonzalez James

“Just write your fucking book.” - Lilly Dancyger

I think I’ll do just that.

Left to Right: Jennifer Beard, Monica Prince, M Todd Gallowglas

Left to Right: Jennifer Beard, Ted O'Connell

Left to Right: Stephen G Eoannou, Jennifer Beard

Words

I am a bit of a logophile. I absolutely adore the way words weave together in elegant prose. I love discovering new words, and especially learning snippets of other languages. As a novice writer, I would agonize over choosing the exact word I wanted, rather than a placeholder, before I could move on and finish a piece. Thankfully, I later discovered the power of revision. 

Years ago, I received a gifted copy of The Big Book of Words You Should Know, which began the journey to where I now own a small collection of obscure dictionaries. My most recent acquisition is The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows by John Koenig, a delightful collection of emotionally evocative words of the human condition that we feel but lack the language to express. 

As I have been involved with my publishing internship for two months now, two words in particular from this lyrical dictionary jumped to my attention.

zielschmerz

n. the dread of finally pursuing a lifelong dream, which requires you to put your true abilities out there to be tested on the open savannah, no longer protected inside the terrarium of hopes and delusions that you started up in kindergarten and kept sealed as long as you could.

German Ziel, goal + Schmerz, pain. Pronounced "zeel-shmerts."

I dreamt of being a published author when I was in kindergarten. The very first book that I ever wrote was called Let’s Bring Books to School, which was written and illustrated by six-year-old me, stapled together and treasured for years before it was lost in a box of keepsakes. While the dream has shifted, 35-year-old me is finally able to explore the intricacies of the publishing world. When my professor first mentioned this immersive publishing experience, she warned that, as an intern, the work would not be glamorous. The stereotypical intern’s job is to do the grunt work and bring the coffee. Being that my internship is completely virtual, I had no idea what to expect. Much like beginning a new job, the same nervousness held me close as I ventured into this new frontier to gain experience. Call me overly confident, but when I look at any publishing jobs listed on LinkedIn, I think to myself “I could do that. And if I can’t, they’ll train me.” Most of what I’ve been doing with my hours with SFWP is creating social media graphics and promotional videos to highlight their upcoming booth at AWP23, yet I find myself grunting very little. I’ve jumped headfirst into the zielschmerz, and there’s no looking back now.

apolytus

n. the moment you realize you are changing as a person, finally outgrowing your old problems like a reptile shedding its skin, already able to twist back around and chuckle at this weirdly antiquated caricature of yourself that will soon come off completely.

From apolysis, the stage of molting when an invertebrate's shell begins to separate from the skin beneath it + adultus, sacrificed. Pronounced "ah-pahl-i-tuhs."

Even though you could call me overly confident, I also struggle with imposter syndrome. I am very good at my job as a teacher, and I know that I have many transferable skills that would lend well to the publishing industry. While some might consider content creation and graphic design to be grunt work, it’s genuinely fun for me. I experience this apolytus when I look back over the last three years on social media. I began creating content on social media during quarantine as a way to build connections with people while being stuck at home. It wasn't until I wrote my letter of inquiry to SFWP that I realized my hobby on the “silly little dancing app” has actually helped me hone marketable skills in this industry. My “aha” moment was when I realized I am completely capable of doing my tasks well. They trust me to do my job, and so I should trust myself as well. 

(Photo credit)